It's rare for me to talk about my relationship status, but over the course of a few months I have experienced through close friends and family the hardships of broken relationships and people left feeling empty and hopeless—something I have really yet to experience and hope not to. There's so much pressure on young people to be dating and out and about finding a man or woman to have on your arm. What even is dating anymore? Swiping right?
I've had my fair share of Tinder experiences and dates, this probably won't be the end of it, but it has really made me reconsider the reasons we date and find people to be with nowadays. High school was never an option for me to date. I personally just didn't have much interest in dating and then breaking up before we graduated. "People just date to break up," was my impression of it all. It was just so taboo to me because people would just fake be together to "be together".
Now that I'm in my second year of college, I've got to wondering about how my parent's generation just happened to meet their soulmates in college, because frankly, I haven't found any contenders. Times have changed and I think expectations are way higher, now that we can customize our dating preferences online and immediately swipe away the duds. How have we become fixated on finding this "perfect one," when we're all too fixated on making ourselves appear to be the "perfect one" online?
These past two years in college have opened my eyes to what I really want moving forward, socially and career-wise. I've begun to embrace my autonomy and have become more inspired because of it. I've been producing creative work that I believe in—doing that is hard when you have to worry about your significant other. There have been so many instances that I've noticed people being hindered and cut off from fully being their monarch butterfly selves just because they were afraid of releasing from that bond (or crysallis if we're staying on the topic of butterflies) for a moment to do something they themselves wanted to do.
Knowing that I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want during this period of my life has not only strengthened my mental wellbeing but the way I approach challenges and also when I do meet new people, I'm confident in myself. I don't have anyone to report to or prove it to, but me. Of course, I would be open to relationships and all the joys that come with it—I'm not anti-dating. Finding myself now, during college, has lead me to reflect on who I want to become and who I would consider letting into my life.
There also comes a point in time where I think every middle-aged person feels like they're forced to marry or settle with the first person they see. What a terrible way to connect with someone! Wouldn't you think? I mean obviously that's not entirely the case unless you're on 90 Day Fiance, then I guess you don't have much of a choice. I want my 20s to be a fun exploration of people and relationships, but I also want to remind myself that I don't need anyone to fulfill some social need or standard; that we're all just supposed to have dated a lot of people by the time we're thirty.
Not gonna lie, I had one of the best weekends I've had in a while. Sometimes I feel like the world is going full speed ahead and I'm at a standstill—and vice versa. When at times, you can feel so low, have an amazing high, and then back down again, it's hard to tell what's in store when all you can rely on is hope.
I have great things ahead of me, but sometimes I wonder why I am capable of having all of these things. It's too easy. I feel guilty about it. I tell myself to remember all of the great things I have, the people in my life, the connections I've made, the stability and security, and a small part of me is fearful that it could all be taken away in an instant.
Practicing gratitude has been only one of the most grounding factors in my life, as well as, allowing myself to feel good. Jealousy, comparison, resentment, fear, and all of that bad juju we feel in small bits every once in a while outshine all the good that we forget we have in our lives or are able of having and deserving. Some of the best moments I've had are with the people I love—sine clothes, money, job, status, social media following, or superficial obsessions.
It takes a lot of introspectivity to realize that we are all capable of happiness if we allow ourselves to see past the matter of our own desires. Maybe it's not happiness, per se, but it could definitely be something better. I have to confess, I find myself in a position of deep fear and just utter self-depreciation at times. I'll be in bed, on the train, in class, getting coffee, etc. and these thoughts just invade my brain.
Lately, though, I have felt a remarkable amount of promptitude and at a pace that I can follow. I'm busy, that's for sure, but the only direction is up from here. I've kicked off producing more quality content on here that I am beginning to keep up with and actually love. I'm proud of the creative work I am doing and hope that more can inspire me to continue. Including new social media projects, I am working on for Her Campus DePaul, my college's online women's magazine. I also got back into photography and have been picking up some graduation photo side gigs, my camera definitely needed to be taken out more!
I am also studying abroad in like two months, which is UNREAL. All of my dreams of traveling are going to become a reality and I think it will hit me once I head to the airport that morning. We will be attending the Cannes Lions Festival of Creativity the first week networking with prestigious brands and building our portfolios, so I am extremely excited I get to be a part of it this year.
I guess things with me academically, socially, and personally, have been really good. Maybe too good, but I'm not going to question it. I still have moments I digress, but it has been easier for me to control those feelings and a little sunshine can help.
I worry about a lot, and usually about little things that don't matter. Remind yourself of the little wins you have each day: whether someone complimented your necklace, you got a good grade, or maybe the barista got your order right this time. Whatever it is, there is always something to be thankful for and appreciative of. Practicing gratitude every day or when you think you need it can make all the difference in times of grey. Also, smile :)
I have already worn sandals once this month and am determined to wear them again. Since it is starting to warm up, I've been more conscious about my toenails. Something as simple as a nail color can go such a long way when it means you feel more boss-like or put together. This might not be true for everyone, but I definitely get excited when it starts to look pretty out and I can actually wear something other than jeans and boots.
I have always been on the search for new nail colors and found these pretty Sally Hansen Miracle Gels to try out. When it comes to doing my nails, I definitely do not want to be sitting there for an hour waiting for them to dry only to get up and smear them. Paying for a mani/pedi is also not in the budget, although I would love to just have a monthly treatment, doing it yourself can be just as great.
Now I have only gotten a gel manicure once, and I quite liked the process, except for the waiting. I just remember sitting there for what seemed like forever. Maybe that's just because I was new to it, or I have no patience, but I also loved the way that it stayed on forever. By "forever," I mean like two weeks or until I got bored with the color. These no UV light, no chip, polishes have been out for quite some time, but I thought why not test it to see just how long they last? Granted, I did not purchase the Miracle Gel topcoat and was very pleased with the results nonetheless.
This peachy coral, named Koi Coral, is a color I've actually never owned. It's very springy and light. One thing I noticed with the bottles, is that there's a rubber lining on the lid, which makes it so easy to open. I've literally had to pry nail polish bottles open with my teeth before, so I am very grateful these are easy to open.
The next shade I picked up was After Altar, which I assume is a marriage reference? I'm always curious how companies think of the names ha. Anyway, this one is a nice creamy white color. Almost like an eggshell, I would say. Perfect for your tootsies! I always gravitate towards bright neutrals and whites for my toes during the spring and summer. It's a nice base for glitter and sparkle, too.
I also picked up this lavender pink shade, because I also do not have a color like this, and fell in love with it. It's called Forever Together. I also really appreciate the flat brush or applicator that comes with it. I always find that they're just the best brushes for polish, I may be partial to having squared nails, but I can swipe once and the whole nail is covered!
To my knowledge, these colors are not listed on the Sally Hansen website as I was searching for them so I may have bought the last of them at my Target or what have you. I made sure to link them from Amazon, as they still exist out there on the interweb. I know I get so annoyed when a color I love gets discontinued, but hey, that means new polish! There's usually a dupe for just about any color anyway. What's your go-to spring shade?
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