Strength has been the theme to the start of the new year for me. 

Regaining my strength after the relax and rest of the holidays, finding the strength to return back to my routine, and building strength—both physical and mental. Strength has manifested itself in many ways for me, but I've noticed lately that I'm falling short of it.

However, just when I think I'm at my weakest is when I realize just how strong I can truly be. It could be as simple as waking up at a consistent time every morning, lifting heavier weights at the gym, or finding the emotional capacity to be vulnerable to trying something new or open up to someone. 

I think we all have different definitions of strength and what it means for us—our physical, emotional, and mental capacities are constantly tested, tried, and worn. Especially at a time when the world is digressing into what could be another lockdown, here's to hoping. I lean on strength and cultivating strength to get through it all, so here's how: 

A goal that has been pushed off my radar since I moved back home during Covid is when I would officially move out. I made it a point to do everything in my power to find a job and get on my feet after college before moving back into the city. I've romanticized the idea of what living on my own would be like. Granted, I don't want to live alone but having the power to finally have my own space, closer to the city I love, and where I can begin a new chapter is all so enchanting to me. I don't think it will be anytime in the next couple of months, but this year is definitely the year. Thankfully, my sisters and my best friend have all volunteered to go apartment hunting with me, so I would be open to sharing that process with you all later on. One big step and it will happen very, very soon—I know it. 

With the idea of moving, which is already a huge moment of change, I already know that there is still a lot of newness and experiences I have yet to have. With winter rolling back around and the Omicron variant lurking, I don't want to sink back into the comfort bubble again—whether it be repeating the same workouts at the gym (or from home), not turning my camera on during work calls, or just hunkering down because "it's too cold out". 

There was a time when I used to be so vigilant and proactive about reaching for things like applying for a new executive role in a club or applying for study abroad, no matter how uncomfortable or strenuous the process was. I tell some of my friends who are finishing up college that I genuinely miss learning and having benchmarks to master: like speaking to people fluently in Spanish, the ambition I used to have when I was drafting and re-drafting my resume, the adrenaline rush I used to get before I would meet a new student to tutor. I didn't realize it then, but I was cultivating a routine that I would yearn for the rest of my life. I want to be constantly productive, proactive with my goals, and reclaim that motivation I had when I would crank out twelve page papers on the Yellowstone River in the library. I miss that Natalie, but she is back and more ready to take on whatever may come her way. 

This year brought forth a new realization of how I prioritize and care about my relationships—platonic or romantic. I've been able to experience different relations with people, more than I thought I would this year. I needed the connection and I craved it to a point where I didn't even recognize myself because I truly came out of my shell this summer. People come and go, yes, but I like to think that I try to lead every interaction knowing that I put in the effort to connect, listen, and learn something new from everyone I meet. No matter how long they stay. I want to invest my time, energy, love, and compassion with people who want to be around me. 

Sure I've been a bit of a social butterfly this year, but with that came a lot of worrying and dwelling about other people. A lot of what I yearn for, like a newfound motivation for example, came at a time when I was fully content and driven to work on myself when nobody else was really in the picture. It ebbs and flows at different points in my life of course, but I always find that when I'm doing the things I love (like writing), I am focused and am feeding my soul what it really needs! I want to make more conscious decisions when it comes to investing in what I need and what will help me best succeed. 

For my bag lately, I've been carrying around my Longchamp Le Pilage shoulder bag for when I'm not working from home and decide to take work to a local coffeeshop. I can just throw my laptop, charger, planner, phone, wallet, and maybe an extra hair clip or water bottle into it—zip it up—and feel confident knowing no one is going to reach in and take anything out. I don't know how people walk around the city with open tote bags—makes for an easy target if you ask me. 

I top the look off with a pom pom hat, maybe some shades, and can never forget my apple watch these days. My favorite feature is just being able to limit my notifications by just seeing who has texted me on my watch and not having to fully dig into my purse only to find I need to update my phone to the most recent version. Who would have known another piece of technology would actually make me more present than I was without it?