The one thing inherently stable in my life at the moment is my love of organizing. If there's anything I can control and manipulate in this current moment, it's the four corners of my bedroom. As a kid, I was always in love with feng shui and the power of transforming a space that fits your comfort, creativity, and mentality. I have always loved interior design. It's a hobby of mine that I haven't quite been able to pursue, but within my personal space, I have found that there's power in the ability to create a space that fills you with joy. Scratch that. "Sparks joy".
However, I've also noticed that this sense of control over my surroundings has become toxic at times. When something isn't quite right within my space, I tend to dwell on it: clean it, reorganize, or move things around at a ridiculous rate. My mom will ask me, "didn't you just vacuum?". And while those are probably words that every mom would prefer saying to their child, I have found myself rearranging or cleaning things just to cope with whatever is happening in my head or things I want to avoid. It's a blessing and a curse really.
So, I've come to terms with my love of organizing and catering the space to my needs. I love the way my room looks and how I've been able to express myself within it. It has truly become a place of solace over the years, and while I do not plan on living in my parents house in the future, this is where I am in my life and so I feel it is best to reassess how this room—this space—has molded the person I am today.
Whether it be the mindfully stacked books on my shelf, the color coded closet, my mini botanical window sill, or the perfect trio of pillows on my bed. It all serves a purpose. I know that not many people think twice about what shade of blanket they have on their bed or what white space is filled perfectly on their wall, but to me it signifies balance, cohesiveness, creativity, and well—me.
Perhaps creating an aesthetically pleasing room is just a facade, but to me it represents so much more. It's my safe space, my happy place, and where I can cope with everything else that needs to be organized in my head. Having a type-A personality has allowed me to feel structured, but at times, I am in need of that release from perfection, from clean lines, and from comfort.
I guess that's what being stuck in a room for over a year does to you. There are things we have to let be and we can't control everything. But if it means living in a space that I love and where I can find some sort of control—well, I'll just be here re-organizing my bookshelf.
It felt like just yesterday we were going into lock down, being introduced to face masks, Tiger King, and were given the promise of what was supposed to be a two-week break which turned into a year of struggle, sadness, and anger. I always come back to my blog in reflection of this year because there was just so much that tested me and my mentality that writing it down seems to be the easiest way to cope and grow from it all. As I'm writing this, I'm listening to Kacey Musgrave's "Rainbow" and one of her comforting lyrics struck a cord in me:
Well the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
But you're stuck out in the same ol' storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
Well, darlin', I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
No matter the dark clouds we face, there will always be sunshine waiting for you on the other side. As we near into the season of blooms, rain, sunshine, mud, and everything in between, I am looking forward to this new change in seasons no matter what turbulent weather it brings. No matter what disaster of a year we face, there is always something to look forward to. And I'm marching towards it with a spring in my step. Here are some things I'm looking forward to this month:
01. Brighter days and longer evenings are an uplift from the seasonal depression that isolates us indoors at 4 o'clock, not to mention winter. Everything looks so drab and dreary around my neck of the woods, so in its most simplest form, blooming nature and sunnier days are going to keep me motivated.
02. Rotating my wardrobe. I have been wearing the same three pairs of pants this winter because my endeavors are limited to grocery shopping, dog walking, and the occasional trip to Starbucks, but other than that I don't think I've been around enough people for them to notice that I've worn the same pair of jeans over and over. Spring just expands the options from jeans and a sweater to a possible dress and a sweater or at least a blouse of some sort. I'm ready to put the snow boots away!
03. Developing a new fitness routine that I'm actually motivated to do. I spent so many years doing yoga that I think I dreaded doing it in my basement these past few months. Going to a studio acted as a place of solace and routine, so the thought of having to try and continue to be motivated in my freezing concrete basement was never something I succeeded at. I started running, which I found to be a great way to decompress and just release my emotions through a blasting Lizzo song. Perhaps this spring will be a time to try something new, I need to get out of my comfort zone (safely, of course), so I want to make it a goal to at least find a new type of exercise or activity that I can routinely enjoy doing this spring.
04. Continuing my reading journey. In 2020, I read 17 books in total. Most of them were a blend of non-fiction and fiction, so I've been proud of my openness to try so many different genres as well like historical fiction, thrillers, sci-fi, fantasy, and much more. This year, I want to read at least a book a month. I am currently reading Yaa Gyasi's Transcendent Kingdom which is an emotionally raw and intimate book about a Ghanaian family living in Alabama. The main character, Gifty, is a sixth year PhD candidate in neuroscience at the Stanford University School of Medicine who studies the neural circuits of depression and addiction in mice. Their behavior mimics the same experiences she has faced with her brother, who suffers from an OxyContin addiction, and mother who suffers from a deep depression. It parallels between mother nature and human nature through science and religion in a refreshingly relatable way.
05. I am finishing my second to last quarter of senior year strong. With 24 more days to go, I am reflecting on the good ol' days as a freshman and how I imagined I would spend my last year of college. Probably partying or thinking about jobs, but mainly focusing on the latter. It has been great being able to put my energy towards figuring out what I plan to see myself doing, and the support from my professor's and past employers has helped immensely. For my last quarter of senior year, I will be taking copywriting, advertising campaigns, climate change communication, and of course, wine education and management. An elective that only seniors (of age) can take, but since it will be virtual, I'm curious if we will be able to try any of the wines. Perhaps ordering a bottle or two will be considered our "reading material". I'm excited to have a laid back last quarter and celebrate by learning something new about the drink that has gotten me through this year. Cheers!
What are you looking forward to this month?
We are on the verge of spring cleaning season, so I thought it was about time to do a beauty clear out. I've been holding onto products from high school and old red lipsticks that I just will never wear, but fantasize about some sort of grand event I might need to wear it to. We can dream, right?
I really haven't been wearing makeup this year, but you might notice that my hair care collection has definitely expanded since the beginning of quarantine. I thought I would pile together some of my favorite products that have gotten me through the beginning of this year—out with the old and in with the new! It's about time for me to switch things up and give my look a refresh as things start to brighten up.
For the hair...
Speaking of a refresh, I have been loving giving myself blown out waves and curls recently, so using the Verb Ghost Dry Oil has maintained the style and body throughout the day. It gives you a beautiful, silky blowout without frizz and the perfect amount of conditioning.
If that isn't enough, I've been loving Living Proof products. Especially, the Living Proof No-Frizz Instant Defrizzer which has also been really good for dry wintery ends and also provides UV protection which is great for the summertime. Occasionally, I need to give my hair an extra conditioning boost, so I'll use the Living Proof Restore Perfecting Spray to save the damaged strands and brush through my hair smoothly after I shower. I have combo straight and wavy hair, so sometimes it can be nice to have a 2 in 1 detangling spray when I need it.
For the Face...
Okay, I admit, I gave into Tik Tok's trending L'Oreal Infallible Foundation in a Powder. I kid you not, this is one of the best full coverage powders. I've been through all the matte BB's and translucent powders, but this does not cake, it does not sit into fine lines, but smooths, blurs, and feels like the most weightless powder I've ever used. If that description doesn't sell you, watch the Tik Toks.
I have always been interested in trying things from Charlotte Tilbury, so when I received this sample from my last Sephora purchase I was excited to have a go at it. I rarely wear liquid foundation, but if anything is marketed as "airbrushed"—I'm all in. The Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Foundation will become your best friend. If you're feeling like death before Zoom, this foundation will revive you. Pores are magically gone, it stays all day (even if you're just sitting on your couch), and has a natural matte finish so no shifting on your face. We don't want that!
These were just some of my favorite beauty finds from this month, and I'm excited to really get some use out of these products even if I'm just going to the grocery store! What have been your beauty faves this month?
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