I feel like if you asked me in high school what I thought about my natural skin, I would probably respond with "I have to wear concealer every day" or "I can't go without powdering it in the morning". My skin over the years has gone through a lot of phases: it was very acne-prone and oily, to the point that I had to get prescribed meds to control my hormones for it. While this is fairly common with a lot of my friends, I've always felt like there's an insecurity to walk around in public bare-faced.
When I first got into makeup, I made it a point to find products that would hide my acne bumps and redness, to rid all of the oil and pubescent stress that lived in the pores of my face (gross I know). I have this distinct memory of me putting on loose face powder that was three shades darker and oranger than my normal skin tone and still preceding to cover up my T-zone with it. No one told me it looked bad until I realized that you weren't supposed to look like an Oompa Loompa.
Whether or not that traumatized me from using a lot of face makeup, or the fact that I just didn't have time to put on a full-face of makeup, covering all of my impurities just wasn't ideal for me. Caking on a ton of makeup didn't make me feel better, of course I still wear makeup, but not the way I used to.
Social norms and the internet tell us that having acne or "problem areas" should be covered up. I'd like to believe that this norm has been gradually dismantled, while the trend of "natural beauty" is making its way to the forefront. Flaws, insecurities, and stereotypes lead us to believe that the only way we can be accepted is through self-validating beauty norms that drive us to Sephora and emptying our wallets.
My story is that I've come to realize that it's all bullshit. Finding confidence and acceptance of your insecurities takes strength. I'm not quite sure when I came to realize this, but it must have started my senior year of high school going into college. I was done putting on a mask and as I continue to enjoy using makeup, I've reevaluated its purpose in my own terms, to feel good about myself and not for anyone else to decide how it makes me feel.
Accepting ourselves is a constant, life-long struggle—we all have things we wish we could change, alter, or modify our physical selves. Resisting these norms, saying "I don't need makeup today," and at least considering more broadly how the things we're exposed to online affects us internally. It's something I've managed to ignore and inspire others to do the same.
I believe in bedtime routines and their impact on our wellbeing—without them, I feel like it's very difficult to fully settle in at the end of a long day. As someone who has watched so many night-time routines and regimens on YouTube, I thought it'd be a good time to share my own.
On most nights, I'd like to think that I have a pretty well-managed schedule when it comes to getting ready for bed. With that said, my sleep schedule is not strict nor is what I do in order to get ready for bed. However, I like to allow myself at least an hour before I fall asleep to pamp and prep for the next day ahead. When I do this, I can feel refreshed and relaxed, especially when I use some of my favorite essential items.
I like to keep things simple. After I've done my evening skincare, showered, etc. I am always sure to moisturize and keep lotion or cream at my bedside. I've gotten into the habit of using it right before I go to bed—who likes cold and dry hands? Not me. The Bath and Body Works Orange Ginger Body Lotion from their Aromatherapy collection is my current bed-side pick and while orange is not the most "calming" of scents, it's a pleasant fragrance nonetheless.
On the topic of aromatherapy, recently I've been using a lot of essential oils especially when it comes to my nighttime routine. Lavender, eucalyptus, and lemongrass have been my favorite fragrances at the moment and I use them in my diffuser and in rollers applying them to my temples, neck, and wrists when I'm feeling anxious or restless during the night.
I've never underestimated the power of fragrance as a stress-reliever or a sleep inducer, but when I was first introduced to pillow mists, I couldn't go back. Bath and Body's Lavender Vanilla Pillow Mist is soothing and instantly relieves feelings of stress or discomfort. The ultimate spa-like experience.
Sometimes I like to play a sleepytime playlist and it was only until recently that I found out you can set your music on your phone to a timer so that it stops when you fall asleep. I'm always reaching for my wireless headphones before bed and am thankful that they are comfortable to sleep with. I've even explored meditation apps like Headspace to help with uneasy sleep. If there are any other ways I can get good and restful sleep, I am always open to trying it. What are your bedtime routine essentials?
New Year, New Manifestations
As the new year falls upon us, and we're wishing it was still Christmas, snuggled up in bed, the reality of work and routine dwells and consumes our schedule—whether we want it to or not. This time of year has its cheerful highs: seeing old friends, eating beyond belief, late-night Hallmark binges, going to the movie theater (three times consecutively in a week) and being able to recharge with the joys of consumerism and homemade meals. What's more to love?
I am lucky enough to have six weeks off for winter break, yes I know, it's a crazy amount of time off and it is one of the bittersweet perks I get for being at a trimester school. Now that it's my second day back, I am in awe at how fast time can fly when you're doing absolutely nothing. You get a sudden surge of guilt and a feeling of unproductivity as the weeks go by. However, I took it upon myself to give myself a break and enjoy relaxing, I really needed it. Sometimes the flip of a calendar can really relieve the weight of a not-so-cheery time.
I haven't expressed much on my blog, but this past quarter of school was one of the most mentally challenging and emotionally draining. My motivation and attitude towards my goals were slim, and I kept pushing through but realized it became a lot harder this year once I put more on my plate—an imperfect balance. I was a workaholic and it began to deter my mental health more than I thought. The past is in the past, and I've come to learn through these challenges that I need to move forward with a more positive outlook on my days and doing things I love and that truly fulfill my needs and make my heart full. With this, I'm turning over a new leaf.
This might have just sounded really good in my head and is probably really stupid to read aloud. Rather than coming up with "resolutions," which we all hate, dread, and never follow through on as they're cultural expectations and just bonafide bullshit that we chain ourselves down to because we need to society makes us think that we need to "fix" ourselves. I say NO.
"Manifestation" popped into my head, probably during a shameless episode of Law and Order: SVU, and quickly I Google searched it to be, "an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea". Now I don't know about you, but why isn't it "New Year's Resolution" and not "New Year's Manifestation"? I'd like to think that eating less sugar in 2020 embodies the weightloss theory to some extent, or perhaps actually waking up on time will encourage the likelihood of increased productivity?
Well, for my own sanity, I thought it would be a good idea to list out twenty things I would like to "embody" in 2020 and not things that will hold me to a brick wall. These are the things I would like to manifest and acknowledge throughout the year because I do believe things will change for the better and I do believe in new beginnings. However, I will not hold myself to these, in fact, I can completely disregard them. These are just ideas, proposed goals, and ways in which I would like to see myself grow.
"Manifestation" popped into my head, probably during a shameless episode of Law and Order: SVU, and quickly I Google searched it to be, "an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea". Now I don't know about you, but why isn't it "New Year's Resolution" and not "New Year's Manifestation"? I'd like to think that eating less sugar in 2020 embodies the weightloss theory to some extent, or perhaps actually waking up on time will encourage the likelihood of increased productivity?
Well, for my own sanity, I thought it would be a good idea to list out twenty things I would like to "embody" in 2020 and not things that will hold me to a brick wall. These are the things I would like to manifest and acknowledge throughout the year because I do believe things will change for the better and I do believe in new beginnings. However, I will not hold myself to these, in fact, I can completely disregard them. These are just ideas, proposed goals, and ways in which I would like to see myself grow.
things I cannot control.
02. I would like to manifest the ability to let go of the little things that will not be relevant or beneficial to my overall well-being.
03. I would like to manifest healthy relationships with people who reciprocate the same love and care I have for them.
04. I would like to manifest the courage to block out negativity throughout my online and social media habits—or completely change the way I use my time on it.
05. I would like to manifest more time for the things I love doing like being creative: writing, photography, painting, and reading.
06. I would like to manifest strength to power through yoga classes and new experiences that surpass my physical abilities because I know my body is capable of much more than my mind says so.
07. I would like to manifest the self-control to wake up at a given time in the morning, but let myself sleep in when I need to.
08. I would like to manifest the willpower to turn off my work-mode and find joy in simply being present in conversation with those around me.
09. I would like to manifest the ability to not open the pantry at midnight just because Hot Cheetos sound amazing.
10. I would like to manifest a conscience that won't allow me to obsess over messes—physical and mental.
12. I would like to manifest kindness in all and of all.
13. I would like to manifest the patience to sit on the CTA for an extra thirty minutes to ensure my safety and sanity are in check.
14. I would like to manifest more time to appreciate and less time to long for something better.
15. I would like to manifest happiness in the little joys of each and every day.
16. I would like to manifest more laughter.
17. I would like to manifest a free spirit that allows me to simply dance it out to ABBA when I need to.
18. I would like to manifest the same passion I've always had for writing and the work I truly love.
19. I would like to manifest balance in my consumer habits and spend more on experiences.
20. I would like to manifest the ability to not hold myself against, shame, or doubt these manifestations because I am allowed to change my mind, start anew, scream, and forgive myself.
But, most of all, I manifest self-love.
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