Recently I made a little hair change, one that was very needed. No, I did not chop it all off, but it's that time of year when things change and I needed a refreshed look. I got highlights last year and it kind of faded out into a muted brown color that just didn't do my natural hair justice. 

Sometimes change is good, even if it's just changing something about your look. I wasn't totally for sure about what I wanted to do to it, I just knew I needed something that looked like my natural hair, but better. 

I feel like I'm going to get addicted to getting my hair done because the result is just unbelievable. Also, I just love sitting in the chair and chatting with the stylist, it's very therapeutic. We decided on a honey blonde balayage for my hair and I am beyond pleased. I didn't want to lose the length or add layers, but Natalie really achieved the color I was hoping for.

At the end of my visit, she recommended me a couple products that she used in my hair. I'll be honest, I'm not too keen on using a ton of products in my hair and I usually don't style it on the daily, but she suggested I used color locking shampoos and conditioners without parabens or harsh chemicals. Of course, I was interested because I want to maintain this hair color for as long as I can. Drugstore products, while tried and true, don't always cut it. 

She advised me to use a small amount of the Amika Vault Color-Lock shampoo and conditioner to ensure that my color stays put for a few months and not to wash my hair as often as I normally do, which is sometimes every day after I work out. Not only does this shampoo and conditioner smell so floral and fresh, but it is also made with soybean oil, to protect the color from fading and stay vibrant. It also is made with an amino acid blend that strengthens my hair shaft and roots and boosts its overall health. 

It's rare for me to talk about my relationship status, but over the course of a few months I have experienced through close friends and family the hardships of broken relationships and people left feeling empty and hopeless—something I have really yet to experience and hope not to. There's so much pressure on young people to be dating and out and about finding a man or woman to have on your arm. What even is dating anymore? Swiping right? 

I've had my fair share of Tinder experiences and dates, this probably won't be the end of it, but it has really made me reconsider the reasons we date and find people to be with nowadays. High school was never an option for me to date. I personally just didn't have much interest in dating and then breaking up before we graduated. "People just date to break up," was my impression of it all. It was just so taboo to me because people would just fake be together to "be together". 

Now that I'm in my second year of college, I've got to wondering about how my parent's generation just happened to meet their soulmates in college, because frankly, I haven't found any contenders. Times have changed and I think expectations are way higher, now that we can customize our dating preferences online and immediately swipe away the duds. How have we become fixated on finding this "perfect one," when we're all too fixated on making ourselves appear to be the "perfect one" online?

These past two years in college have opened my eyes to what I really want moving forward, socially and career-wise. I've begun to embrace my autonomy and have become more inspired because of it. I've been producing creative work that I believe in—doing that is hard when you have to worry about your significant other. There have been so many instances that I've noticed people being hindered and cut off from fully being their monarch butterfly selves just because they were afraid of releasing from that bond (or crysallis if we're staying on the topic of butterflies) for a moment to do something they themselves wanted to do. 

Knowing that I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want during this period of my life has not only strengthened my mental wellbeing but the way I approach challenges and also when I do meet new people, I'm confident in myself. I don't have anyone to report to or prove it to, but me. Of course, I would be open to relationships and all the joys that come with it—I'm not anti-dating. Finding myself now, during college, has lead me to reflect on who I want to become and who I would consider letting into my life. 

There also comes a point in time where I think every middle-aged person feels like they're forced to marry or settle with the first person they see. What a terrible way to connect with someone! Wouldn't you think? I mean obviously that's not entirely the case unless you're on 90 Day Fiance, then I guess you don't have much of a choice. I want my 20s to be a fun exploration of people and relationships, but I also want to remind myself that I don't need anyone to fulfill some social need or standard; that we're all just supposed to have dated a lot of people by the time we're thirty. 

Not gonna lie, I had one of the best weekends I've had in a while. Sometimes I feel like the world is going full speed ahead and I'm at a standstill—and vice versa. When at times, you can feel so low, have an amazing high, and then back down again, it's hard to tell what's in store when all you can rely on is hope. 

I have great things ahead of me, but sometimes I wonder why I am capable of having all of these things. It's too easy. I feel guilty about it. I tell myself to remember all of the great things I have, the people in my life, the connections I've made, the stability and security, and a small part of me is fearful that it could all be taken away in an instant. 

Practicing gratitude has been only one of the most grounding factors in my life, as well as, allowing myself to feel good. Jealousy, comparison, resentment, fear, and all of that bad juju we feel in small bits every once in a while outshine all the good that we forget we have in our lives or are able of having and deserving. Some of the best moments I've had are with the people I love—sine clothes, money, job, status, social media following, or superficial obsessions. 

It takes a lot of introspectivity to realize that we are all capable of happiness if we allow ourselves to see past the matter of our own desires. Maybe it's not happiness, per se, but it could definitely be something better. I have to confess, I find myself in a position of deep fear and just utter self-depreciation at times. I'll be in bed, on the train, in class, getting coffee, etc. and these thoughts just invade my brain. 

Lately, though, I have felt a remarkable amount of promptitude and at a pace that I can follow. I'm busy, that's for sure, but the only direction is up from here. I've kicked off producing more quality content on here that I am beginning to keep up with and actually love. I'm proud of the creative work I am doing and hope that more can inspire me to continue. Including new social media projects, I am working on for Her Campus DePaul, my college's online women's magazine. I also got back into photography and have been picking up some graduation photo side gigs, my camera definitely needed to be taken out more!

I guess things with me academically, socially, and personally, have been really good. Maybe too good, but I'm not going to question it. I still have moments I digress, but it has been easier for me to control those feelings and a little sunshine can help. 

I worry about a lot, and usually about little things that don't matter. Remind yourself of the little wins you have each day: whether someone complimented your necklace, you got a good grade, or maybe the barista got your order right this time. Whatever it is, there is always something to be thankful for and appreciative of. Practicing gratitude every day or when you think you need it can make all the difference in times of grey. Also, smile :)