One of the biggest challenges I face in my life is letting the world around me take its lead. There's nothing more constraining than simply allowing the fate of the world ride its course in front of you—it seems so "simple". Yet the greatest things in life come when we least expect it, or at least that's what we're told. The inspiration for this thought comes from a self-help book I read a week ago called You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero, and she is a badass indeed. The author, speaker, and success coach writes all the ways one can use everything they've got to live one extreme, helluva life; it's advice we all could hear. So, I would highly recommend checking it out. I won't go into full detail about the book itself, but one chapter titled "Remember to Surrender" includes this Eckhart Tolle quote I found striking: 

"Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you, rather than against you". -Eckhart Tolle

I had to take a step back and think, "do I really say 'no' to a lot of things?". I mean I think a lot of us can agree that there are many times saying "no" is the only practical answer to things, but when opportunities present themselves, do I find myself dismissing them for dumb and profound excuses? Am I not reaching far enough? What are the things I say, do, react that make things harder to achieve? How am I presenting myself and comparing myself to others, why does it affect me so much? Why do I let it? 

I am a Control Freak.

Those of you who know me, love me, care about me, talk to me, laugh at me, laugh with me, or anyone who's just seen my room knows I like things a certain way. I'm not a hypertensive drama queen who whines about small, irrelevant details, or I like to tell myself I'm not anyway. My personality wants to make sure that every little thing in my life, emotional and physical, is spick and span so that I can manage to tackle every big thing in my life. If you met me, you would think I'm to myself, but really I'm planning and processing every minute of my life in my head as new information comes in. Oh, the anxiety!

Without a doubt, anxiety fuels this need of perfection and preparation. If I'm not thinking about my future or the effects of the present, I don't know how I can make sure I'm on the "right track" of life. The direction I at least tell myself I'm going in—hell if I knew I would tell you. Little moments in my life have shown this, my parents have seen me go through it when I was trying to apply for college.  It was not easy for any of us. I spent hours and hours perfecting my application, days spent emailing scholarship and financial aid offices, dragging my parents into more stress about which college I was going to, pulling my hair out after being waitlisted for a deciding scholarship, and finally finding out that I had gotten it for my number one school, DePaul, a week after I graduated high school. While yes, everything worked out, I persisted an immense amount because I knew I wanted it. However, I knew, in the end, I would be going to any great college. I definitely wasted a lot of my senior year in dread about it. 

There are so many things in my life that I don't let go of: where I'm studying, how much money I have, how much money I don't have, who my friends are, what friends I've lost, family I haven't seen in forever, jobs, my purpose, and every existential crisis you could think of, I've probably thought about. I realize that my worries are not similar to many, because there's a lot of bad happening in the world, and also that I can't control everything in my life or the world itself.

Hands-Off Mode.

Obviously, there are things that you can control, like your motivation and persistence to find a job, the effort you put into that job, etc. However, when it seems like all of my force and energy is pushed onto millions of things or one big thing in my life, I live less. I find those moments unenjoyable and just exhausting. Why do I do it then? Well, for one thing, I really like to fulfill passions and expectations. I know people expect great things of me, so why settle? I make myself bite off more than I can chew because I thrive on it. I also suck at it because I dig myself into a big self-deprecating hole of doubt and comparison. 

So, with reading this self-help book, How to Be A Badass, it has become clear to me that taking my hands off the steering wheel sometimes is in my best interest. As I sit on my bed now, petting my oh-so-space-generous golden retriever that is literally taking up my half of the bed, I am deciding now that maybe living a "go with the flow" kinda life might seem like the perfect ideal. Not worrying about what comes next, but enjoying the small moments you have now. Yeah, I've already awed and ooed about presence in other posts and all that, everything my yoga instructors instruct me, whatever my parents confide in me, and every Tumblr post in between—I know don't listen to myself when I need to the most. 

Taking my Own Advice.

It's really not easy listening to my own advice. "Read your blog posts, Nat. You already know what you need to do," my mom urges. Sometimes its nice hearing other people's thoughts about what direction they think you should go in—getting outside perspectives is always a great tool for you to go from, but you should never let it consume you. I know I'm smart. Millions of people could tell me how to apply for internships, successful job interview tips, what should be on my resume, how to dress, how to be productive, how to not worry about everything, but at the end of the day, I know what's good for me. Sometimes it takes letting go of all outside factors (opinions, ideas, dad's advice) or just letting go of one. 

Just saying "I need to let go," seems so easy, but it is so multi-faceted and complex in my mind. In moments when I need to be the most present, my mind is usually back in the fifth-grade regretting friendship decisions I made. There just seems like no getting past it. When I'm not past it, I'm behind it. I'm never here. I keep saying how time is flying by in front of my very eyes and this is because we are all so time oriented. 

Everything revolves around time, it's all we got to keep us going (well I guess maybe not all we got): when we gotta be there, when we have to leave, when the thing starts, when the thing ends, when we have to live, and when we have to die. Time is so precious to us and it taunts us. If we don't get something done in time, we fail. If we don't make it there on time, we fail. If we forget the time, we fail. 

I can't worry about time or as much as I have. I can't worry about a trip I'm planning with my college's study abroad because it's six months from now, I can't worry about what internship I might have in a year from now, I can't worry about my relationship status because I have time to meet people, I can't worry about who I will be around when I'm older because all that matters is what I've got at this moment and how I'm spending it now. Surrender to the flow of life, be present, listen to yourself and others, and the rest will follow. 

I hope everyone has had a really nice and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday—I spent it stuffing my face, sleeping, and stuffing my face some more. For lack of a post on Thursday, since it was Thanksgiving, I thought it would be nice to kind of reiterate some goals I want to set for this winter as my fall quarter has officially come to a close and I am on break until January. It's a little weird with my college because we have ten week quarters with no breaks in between and our winter break is like six weeks long. 

It can be so initimidating when you have so much free time. As some of you know, I need to keep doing things, creating, and producing otherwise I get into a low place of doubt, worry, and just a feeling of unproductivity when I have so much time on my hands to do nothing. So, I thought it was only right to make a few ideas of things I want to get done while I have all this time over break, as well as, enjoy it because I know I won't get off time like this in the future. 

For some college students, especially those who live in the city, don't really go home for break due to a desire of freedom, a job, an internship, more classes, or what have you. However, since I live so close to home, it makes sense for me to just go home and see people I want to see and not have to worry about groceries or getting around the city during our heinous blizzards. So, here are my goals:

I think last time I was home, I never really reached out to many people from my highschool or even college for that matter. I have some friends who are staying in the city over break, so it would be nice for me to go visit them and do some touristy things over Christmas time in the city with them. Also, I think a lot of people feel like they need to see absolutely everyone they know over winter break, but I'm just talking about some of my good friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Catching up is my favorite thing. 

I would say for the most part I am a healthy eater, but lately I haven't been paying much attention to it. More recently I've noticed that I kind of treat myself more than I should. I think everyone should eat a pizza, buffalo wings, or whatever they want to every now and then, but my eating habits have not been as controlled as they usually are. Maybe it's a good thing though that I haven't been worrying constantly about food, but I know overbreak and being home with endless food availability it can be so tempting. 

This is a big goal for me because I truly have not read a full book since high school. Yes, I've read articles and magazines, skimmed some books for class, but I haven't sat down and actually enjoyed reading something I like. It's so hard for me to find books I like, however, recently I became serious about this and went to my library (yeah they still exist), looked at the Barnes and Noble best sellers on my phone, chose You are a Badass by Jen Sincero, and I'm already 168 pages in. That is an accomplishment for me. I really enjoy self-help books and guides because they emulate the type of writing and reading that I can benefit from and what better motivater to get inspired to live my life the way I intend on it. 

So, I have plans. Big future plans; ambitions and goals and things I want to do, see, and accomplish. There are so many things I want to do with the time being in college, so over break I will be applying for a study abroad program in Europe, an oncampus job for next year, and many scholarships that are gonna help me realize these goals because I got nothing in my pockets except a craving for travel and curisosities of the unknown. It's my time to take the risk and leap, no matter how broke I'll be, and just go for it. 

I mainly dwell on the future and what my decisions will entail before me—I hate this part about myself, honestly. I'm so sick of my thoughts wandering into holes of despair and just internal suckiness. I wish I never thought like this, and especially when I have a lot of time off and I'm not doing anything, I get to this state. I'm aware of when I'm extremely worrisome and I know it doesn't serve me at all. There are things I can't control and there's no point in trying to prevent them, fix them, or obsess. 

I could go on and make a bigger list of things I want to do, but hey, it's a break for a reason, so I'm not gonna put so much on my plate and actually relax for most of it and be present with my friends and family that I get to see. Vacations and holidays are great, but overworking yourself and not rewarding or granting yourself time off can suck the life out of you really. I don't plan on posting as much within the next month and leading up to Christmas and New Years, but do expect content! I'll be writing for sure, just leisurely and at my own pace. I hope everyone has an enjoyable holiday season! 

Lidstar Eyeshadow in Cub- I was in the mood of finding a new copper-toned eyeshadow and Glossier had the perfect treat for me! I absolutely despise creasing shadow. Even when I apply primer, sometimes I find my eyeshadows getting oily throughout the day. I was pleased to find out that the Lidstars are basically like primers and act as an eyeshadow base if you want it to. I love the shimmery sparkle it gives and the doe foot applicator makes it easier for me to apply on my fingertips and build the color if I want. 

Boy Brow in Brown- I'm always a sucker when it comes to eyebrow products. I have heard the hype on the boy brow and see why it is so popular and loved. It basically does everything you could want in a brow product. It thickens, fills, and grooms your brows all in one. I have crazy eyebrows and when I wake up sometimes they need as much grooming as my hair does, so this is my go-to product and I can't leave the house without it. 

Have you tried out Glossier? I think I'll have to put some products on my Christmas list for this year. 

I haven't purchased a lot from her collection, though. My two items that I bought was this sage colored Storage Box and this Padfolio folder and notepad. Both of which I enjoy a lot. Coincidentally, both of them were on sale because they were rotating to the fall collection items and I happened to stroll upon them at perfect timing. This sage color is probably my favorite shade of green and the box was only like six bucks. It's perfect for storing anything and everything, while making your desk or shelf space look neat and put together. 

My favorite item of all the things she has in her office collection is this little padfolio guy. I was looking for a more professional looking folder anyway to keep all of my important school documents, business cards, and notes in. It also comes in a bigger size! It was on clearance for only seven dollars and I had to have my hands on it—get it Hearth and Hand. Sorry, I just got excited over a folder. It's been great though. I take it to important meetings and it makes you feel professional when you pull this bad boy out. 

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However, many of her items are fully functional: the plates, dishes, towels, baking tools, paint, books, folders, lamps, and everything else is pretty much designed with intended usage. I mean, that's one of Joanna's motto when creating spaces anyway—keeping spaces tasteful and functional. So, I'm sure her intention behind the products were geared towards families like her own that just want a place that emulates the personality and coziness of home. I get the goats, alright. 

She also competes with other Target interior decor brands that I've also purchased items from like Threshold and Project 62. Threhold has more of a traditional style and Project 62 is modern. So, Joanna's line definitely stands out with the farmhouse chic, industrial vibe. She's not afraid to mix patterns, texture, metals, foliage, but keeps her brand cohesive and individual from the rest I've seen at Target. 

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My support and devoted admiration for her comes from her value of family, as well as, establishing her own personality through a brand. She is fearless when it comes to design making decisions and that's what inspires me the most about her. I also adore her work ethic, creative intentions, authenticity, and realness when it comes to her idea of simply living and thriving at a place you can call home. Also, I'm in love with her cute family. I'm definitely a "Homebody" and I know you are, too. 

I would say that I have definitely added some new members to my skincare routine and I am really loving them all more than I ever have with skincare products I've tried in the past. The air is starting to get crisp and I've noticed that my face is drier than ever. Yes, I am using many products towards my acne prone skin, so that is important to consider with the amount of dryness I have. 

I'm not so adventurous when it comes to types of skincare products: cleanser, moisturizer, makeup remover, eye cream, lip balm, and lotion about sums it up. However, I've come to realize that my skin benefits from quality ingredients in products and lack of harsh chemicals and all that bad juju. 

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cleanser- This is just a classic unscented cleanser and I have been using it for about six months now. It honestly has proven to be the most gentle on my sensitive and acne prone skin. I also have the acne and oily skin cleanser that they have. A little goes a long way and my face feels so fresh and never dried out. 

Kiehl's Lip Balm #1- I love this lip balm out of all the others I use, haha. I'll admit imma chapstick hoarder, but what can I say, I love smooth lips. Especially during the colder months, I feel like this is just a classic comforting lip balm to have with you. 

Glossier Coconut Balm Dotcom- To mix it up and add some flavor, I've already raved about Glossier and their Balm Dotcom range. The coconut one brings me back to summer, but it's a great scent nonetheless. 

Honey House Naturals Mango Lip Butter- Another lip balm I reach for is this mango lip butter which is much thicker than the two lip balms I mentioned before. It's almost like beeswax to the extreme. If you've tried Burt's Bees, it's a bit similar, but it is richer and is super moisturizing. 

Keihl's Ultra Facial Overnight Hydrating Mask- The winner of all my current skincare products is this little guy I received in a sample box. I've tried numerous moisturizers and this one, which is a mask, revitalizes dry skin as you sleep! How cool is that? I was hesitant about having a product being left on my face without it really being rubbed in, but it's proved to work wonders on my dry patches below my nose and on my chin. 

Clinique All About Eyes- I definitely can't go to bed with dry eyes. That's a big no-no. Dryness everywhere just hurts and burns. So, using this has really helped with not only red eyes and bags but softening up my under eyes a ton. 

It can be difficult adjusting to the drastic change in seasons, especially when your skin doesn't know how to react. I've been loving these products lately and was wondering what you guys were too and if you feel the same way when it comes to winter skincare. All I know is that I need warm and soft skin! Also, I will be taking a week off in the spirit of finals week as I push through and get a lot of work done. I'll see you all in the next two weeks! 

I know the holiday season is nearing us—or is basically already here according to Target and many other chain businesses that just can't calm the f*ck down for a bit until they put out Christmas lights and decorations. Just this past weekend I put up lights on my neighbor's tree! What a quick goodbye to Halloween. I'm not even sure people are even concerned about Thanksgiving this year. Anyway, time is going by and everything seems to be closer than we thought. 

You know, something as simple as an "okay," can be taken in so many different ways in so many different contexts. I won't go into examples, but it's definitely true. Our definitions of it vary so much. However, I want to make sure that everybody understands that whatever they're currently going through, good or bad, is going to be okay. 

I've talked so much about my mental health and it in general because self-care is pivotal in all of our wellbeings; we have to make sure that we can allow ourselves to feel good, sad, mad, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, and everything else your brain may throw at you. We need to also understand that we are all human and sometimes life can seem like a living hell, but that's okay. 

I want this post to feel light-hearted because I could go into a lot of deep topics about not being okay, and the message is short and simple—you are going to get through it. I may not know how, the circumstances, the reasons, or the context, but I feel like a lot of people never take a step back to breathe. Talk it out, think it out, and know that you can do anything you put your mind to.

You will fail and struggle, but a positive and a persistent mindset conquers all. You get to decide what holds you back and you get to decide what drives you forward. People are there to support you and praise you. Wake up every day knowing that you get a chance to start over. 

One of my good friends, Isaac, and I sat for about three hours in a Starbucks chatting all things life: our current happenings, future goals, our social lives, and everything else to catch up with because we haven't seen each other in about a year. However, he's one of those friends you could not see in a year and then meet up and feel like you saw them yesterday. Both of us got to talking about where we were and wanted to be, it was crazy just how ambitious both of us have become since high school and all we've achieved. 

We still couldn't believe we have been friends for about four years, and I learned that one of the strongest assets to a long-living relationship with someone is not worried about where you're gonna be in two, three, or four years from when you meet. I think this just applies to everything, but I remember being so stressed in high school about college and now I'm at my number one dream school and I have no clue how I'm already a sophomore—it still awes me. It just kind of worked out. 

I think the desire to be "okay" directly comes from your outlook on the situation you're in because honestly, a lot of times I feel like I could be somewhere entirely different. Cut all the comparisons, doubts, or regrets, because where you are in your life should only matter to you and it is your job to find purpose in the present moment. Stop dwelling on what happened or what could happen—when all you are doing is the best you can today in time, you are going to be just fine.

I would definitely say that writing has come easily to me over the years, but when I was younger it was hard. I write so much nowadays anyway that I feel much more comfortable than I did in middle school or high school. I was not a good reader, but I was a proficient writer. 

You see, the thing is was that in my school, at least, we were taught specific ways to read, analyze, infer, and explain sorts of things that we were learning about—seems like any other school curriculum. My school was driven on the basis of standardized tests, like many schools, so what they wanted from students (in terms of writing) was the average five paragraph sandwich essay with little room to elaborate on our own thoughts because using "I" was forbidden. 

I don't resent my English schooling, but I wish it had been different because what I have learned from my own writing and college is that none of it is important (for the most part). What we should be learning is correct grammar and that is still something I struggle with constantly. Kids do not know how to properly comma splice or even the difference between "its" and "it's."

I'm no "grammar nazi" and I definitely don't discriminate based on how well or poor you write because I know that everyone is at a different level and pace when it comes to writing—a lot of people hate it. I guess my background with writing and being surrounded by English majors kind of swayed me a bit into the passion. The freedom of using my own words and thoughts to talk about whatever I want, especially on my own platform, has been one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. Writing is a part of me and always will. 

Many people ask me how I can handle writing freely, with writing for my college blog and editing, as well as, managing five to six-page papers on a weekly basis. All I can say is that when I'm in the mood, I'm a writing machine. Words can just easily flow off my fingers. I think it's not only therapeutic but introspectively reflective and releasing. 

My college writing, for one thing, has been more about my own interpretations, so instead of research and context-based writing I did in high school, I actually get to think about things on my terms not relating to a certain article or opinion of somebody else. There's no "second meaning" and my professors aren't forcing us to make wild inferences about certain metaphors or what deeper meaning something has. High school focused too much on the content and I think it strayed our abilities to create our own understanding of the texts. 

I guess the trick or key to prideful writing is that you can't really compare yours to everybody else's. I know there are far better writers than me out there, but I think recently I've gotten really comfortable with my voice and that's proven some really great work that I've made. Maybe it's also a mentality, too. My mood, for one thing, has been pretty positive lately and that's really affected the way I write and go about writing. Some weeks I feel like shit and lack the inspiration I can normally find. 

Since I have basically been writing nonstop this past couple of months, there's without a doubt that I've improved on some aspect of my writing. I still have trouble using "big" words, sentence variance, and everything else. However, little by little I've noticed that it's easier to form my complex ideas and connect them all so I don't fall astray from the main concept of my writing—or at least I think so. 

I'm the biggest critic of my own writing and no A or B on a paper can tell me whether or not I really did a good job. Of course, I make mistakes in my writing, could elaborate more on certain subjects, fix the structure of my thoughts, and so forth, but I know whether or not the writing I did was created with full effort and purpose. 

One of the biggest things I've learned with writing is that simplicity is a strong suit. Learning how to write less with concision is probably the hardest things for college students and writers in general. A lot of people feel like they have to say so much about everything, but you really need to get to the point and move on. It takes time to develop your style, voice, and comfortability with writing. It takes time, patience, and effort. I'm constantly learning and I hope everybody takes the opportunity to do the same!