Bolder Thinking & Self Worth

So, over the past couple of months, I have had this re-evaluation of how I carry myself around and go about relationships, college, and just life in general. I have been so caught up in my anxiety more than ever lately and I am really not having it. 

More recently, I have been toying with this word "bold". Meaning fearless, confident, or brave. I've found myself waiting and waiting for other people to make the moves, call the shots, tell me what is and what isn't. My whole childhood was spent asking my mom if I was going to be okay. I just haven't had the mentality to force myself into things as simple as going for what I want and doing what I want with confidence. 

It's a silly thing to think about, but I've always been one to over assume or analyze situations or circumstances and that honestly takes out so much wasted energy and causes unwanted stress that I don't even need to be having. I've been fighting with the idea of not having to address my issues and just sit them out, but that usually leads me to even more analysis and agony. If only it was so simple. 

There have been times that I've been living in what could be, rather than what it is at that present moment. The thing about my anxiety is that I place myself in hypothetical, "what if," situations that don't even have a place in my scenario, or circumstance, for that matter. The worst thing is when it usually ends up okay and all I have is just another racing heart, beating at someone else's drum. 

I start basing my self-worth on what could be or what I think it might be. I start second guessing who I am and what I did. I know this is pretty vague, as I would like to keep some of my private life private, but I'm sure at least one person could relate to this feeling. What I fail to do is be present. I am not paying attention to the present moment for what it is and am just creating something totally arbitrary and irrational. If everything's okay, why worry about it? 

I guess it might be my want for answers, truth, or justification that everything is entirely okay. I would say I am a pretty compassionate and sensitive, too, so that stems from my want for black and white information.

I've thought about the way I address situations and to be honest, it hasn't done me any good at all. I need to focus on what I'm doing at that moment and that I am also worthy of myself and my own capabilities. There comes a time to second guess and rethink things, but I'm tired of living by someone else's means.

For anyone who feels the same way as I do, you are worthy of success, a great job, love, happiness, and everything in between. It's noticing first that you are capable of these things and no one else can tell you otherwise. Stop living in assumptions and be here at this moment. Try to be bold.