L-O-V-E. The word we all want to hear and the word that has us all completely confused and throwing our shit. Now, I don't normally talk about love—as many people don't—I just never felt like I could fully understand it enough to know what I love and who I love. Of course, I love my family, that's just a given regardless. However, the way we give love, receive it, reject it, and all of its forms has had me thinking a lot lately. You know, some people make it their goal to find love when love is already all around them. Our society has developed this idea that love is something we have to have at a certain point in our lives; you know to marry, make babies, and have a grand 'ol time? Well, the time has changed and love is changing, too. Especially our ideas of it.  

I want to disclaim that my growing and evolving "love story" is really new and I'm just learning as much as anyone else is about it. With that said, I've made it a point to be a bit vulnerable because talking about love is something that takes an open heart and I'm ready to share my thoughts with all of you. With it being the season of family and friends, the spirit of Christmas has definitely gotten me into the mood and what originally inspired me to write this. You could be rushing around getting last minute gifts or you could be rushing around trying to meet up with all the people that you care about—or both, who knows. All this time off and the holiday spirit definitely sparks a lot of repressed emotion and rekindled hearts that's for sure. 

You see, love is everywhere, whether we know it or not. Growing up I always found someone to crush on. There was always some boy that just caught my eye and unfortunately, it became a secret obsession. Not in like a creepy, gross way, but I looked forward to seeing my crushes pretty much every day in class to a point that my heart would sink if they were absent and I couldn't talk to them. You know, loving was so easy back then when you could just openly not give a shit about who or what was affected by it or judged. You could fearlessly walk up to said boy or girl and kiss them on the face and be girlfriend and boyfriend until one of you forgot you were girlfriend and boyfriend. As kids we never overthought situations and screwed up relationships, it was so much simpler.
As a 19-year-old, who has experienced flings and crushes with multiple guys, I'll be honest I really haven't gotten into any serious relationships. In my early elementary and middle school days, I knew I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend. However, I remember how strong I felt about some certain kids. There was one boy that I grew up with and haven't stopped wondering why things never worked out—we were really good friends that liked each other, but maybe my heart was in it more than his. My question is, do you really stop crushing on someone?

I feel like people we attract ourselves to, no matter if we get married to someone else, never really become "unattractive". Say, you see them at like a high school reunion and all the feels come back. Unless they did something remarkably wrong to you, I don't think the feeling really goes away. That back burner feeling of love is something I experience hardcore. When you know you need to move on—there are way more people out there you'll probably meet—but the back of your mind asks you "what if"? What if I did something differently or didn't say something I should have? Some people in your life will do that to you, I don't have a way of fixing it persay, no one really does, but I like to think that these people that strike us at a certain point in our lives are important and won't be forgotten. With all the happy memories or experiences we have with them, they came into our life when we needed them most.

I get the feeling in my gut, when I know I could be putting myself out there more, making moves and meeting people, but parts of me (the cheesy parts) believe that there is this one person that'll come into my life and want to stay. Isn't that what all hopeless romantics want? But, I'm not hopeless is the thing. I have wasted so much time with boys. Yes, there have been great guys that have come into my life at some point (I'm still young folks), but the time I wasted dwelling on them and second-guessing myself sucked and I was blind. I guess that's what the L-word does to yuh.

Don't get me wrong, I'm open to love and desire it. Like many people do. Family and having close friends around me is something I want present in my life all the time, but that also doesn't mean I want to settle for someone just to have it. I've heard that at 30 everyone settles down and just commits to the person they're dating because "time is running out," but I crave a love so honest and true that I will for sure know, no matter my age, that this person is worthy of staying (okay that was hella cheesy). I guess that's what dating is for, and since I've only been on dates, I can't really advocate for a committed relationship. I've made myself guilty for not creating experiences like that; discovering what commitment is like, getting my heart broken in ways that make me so incredibly frustrated or miserable, knowing how to trust and confide in someone, and to just be fully vulnerable and willing to do anything for another person.
A reason for me not dating a ton of boys in my teens probably is from the innate self-respect I give myself. I've lived through my friends' relationships to know that while there are great things that come with relationships and ship-names, there's also a lot of shit that happens. Maybe I've just avoided it all together when I was younger because I knew that I would graduate school and not want to deal with the breakups, or that I just couldn't be happy with one guy, or just never really understood how it all "worked". I also don't think this avoidance and overly self-respected mindset I have comes out of fear. I just know I deserve better. I don't think I was that innocent either, as having an older sister has worked in my benefit, but I got my first kiss this year and it happened just the way I wanted it to. Not forced, not awkward, just great :) And if that guy is reading this, I just want you to know that I'm thankful it was you.

So yeah, as I dreamed I would have many relationships and dating experience, it all kind of started this year. Really fast, too. I get into some really weird stages where I just put myself out there a ton and nothing happens and then when I'm not making the effort, someone just magically appears out of nowhere. It's funny how when you're so focused on yourself and your own groove, someone notices you. Whether it be at a coffee shop, random Tinder match, library, classroom, or anywhere else. It seemed as though when I worried about everyone else around me, nothing I wanted was happening. It was forced and pressured. Something that sounds selfless actually does us a disfavor because when we obsess over trying to control ulterior situations; relationships, families, etc., it actually hinders other people from being able to reach you. Wow, Nat, you're a true philosopher now. No, I just have a lot of emotions and it's really late at night.

The rut of comparison and compulsive obsessing over your relationship status eats you whole. I continue to rethink decisions I've made or never did in my past. I've revisited old friends and it always reveals the same shitty thing I hate—moving on. Yeah, times were great with this one person, but that was ten years ago. Times have changed and that person probably wants to move on as much as you don't. It's cliché, but things happen for a reason. Maybe that one guy didn't deserve you and you just opened up more doors and probably will find an even better dude in like a month, who knows? Why worry so much? I'm no love expert, clearly, but a lot of what I've come to realize is that living in the past does nothing for us and you need to leave that shit where it belongs. Okay, so when do we get to the "loving ourselves first" part? 

If you've delved into lovey-dovey self-help books and articles on how to find "true love," there's probably a thing or two about why we can't love someone until we love ourselves first. I mean, we have to know how to live with ourselves for what, 80 or so years? I think loving ourselves is hard. There's a lot to not love about ourselves right? You know, your flaws and all you think about when you look in the mirror every morning? Who doesn't have those thoughts because I would love to know. I have always struggled with my self-perception; who I want to be, what I want to say, look like, who I want to associate with, what I want to learn, what I already know, all of it. Self-reflection is not easy, but acknowledging and observing these thoughts is a start. I don't even know if I "love" myself. 

Jen Sincero's self-help book called, You Are a Badass, gives some guidelines as to how someone as badass as yourself can go on living the most badass life. I would highly recommend it to everyone. What struck me the most was that after almost all of her chapters, "love yourself," was repeated over and over. It was a reminder that there's only so much you can do to improve your life, but what it all comes down to is how YOU see yourself and love it for what it is, flaws and shit included. We are always striving for the better, the best, the greatest. We want things we can't have. We are so stuck in the past and the future that we can't appreciate what we've got in the present. Whether it be a lover or not because honey, you were always your own lover. Your mom, dad, sister, brother, dog, best friend, old high school buddies, grandma, third cousin, aunt, uncle, and everyone else present in your life probably loves you as much as you need to love yourself.

Loving yourself looks different to everyone. To me, it means accepting all those bad things that happen to you, acknowledging those that care about you and respecting them, respecting yourself and your body, letting yourself feel emotion and be vulnerable, allowing yourself to let go of what and who doesn't serve you anymore, rewarding yourself for things you should be proud of, knowing that you have the ability to change and grow, and lastly, knowing you don't need no man to make your life "complete". There are more I could list, but I think you get the point by now. This isn't a pep talk for sad, broken hearts. It's for people like me who have so much love to give, but the last person we think of giving it to is ourselves.

Every year I think I wear out my winter shoes and find myself always on the hunt for winter boots—chelsea boots in particular. I just love the look of them and their durability in the elements. The main pair of shoes I wear are strictly boots and tennis shoes during the winter. I'm one of those people who own only like three pairs of boots and ends up wearing one of them every day. I'm a big advocate when it comes to finding really great quality shoes, even if it means spending a little more. I mean you wear them on your feet! 

After probably a month of endless online boot searching and really deciding if I wanted this specific pair, I decided on the Timberland Courmayeur Leather Chelsea Boots that I happened to get discounted at Macy's and sadly they don't carry them anymore. I think Instagram ads made me buy them, but oh well! Because look how cute they are! I was not a huge fan finding out they were real leather, however, I know that Timberland is a pretty respectable brand and the quality of the shoe is amazing regardless. They source their hides from acceptable locations throughout the US and places that cattle have been raised under the USDA guidelines, whatever that really means, so they strive to be aware and responsible for their animal welfare. I know this is a very important factor for some people, so I wanted to credit that. 

The simple and minimal design of the shoe itself is just the look I was going for, but the chevron stitching and craftsmanship of the shoe blew me away. Not only is it extremely comfortable, but they're also so easy to slip on and the tread makes it better to walk through snow and ice on undesirable Chicago blizzard days. All of the Chelsea boots I could find had pointed toes, and I really was happy to find that these were rounded and had a bit of a platform as well! As opposed to the classic Timberland work boots I've seen everyone wear, I'm glad I didn't jump on the bandwagon because these are the best boots I've ever owned. 

I never feel guilty when it comes to investment purchases and things I know I'm going to get wear out of. Especially things you can wear during winter weather conditions and need to have when unpractical boots get you stuck in the snow or you slip on black ice. For some reason, I struggle to find boots I love and I've had some other Chelsea boots that were cheaper and wore out faster. There are many options out there, but I was so pleased to find these and hope Timberland keeps them coming! 

The price of these and the material is something to consider, but I believe in quality made shoes and it was about time for me to switch out the old ones I wore so much. Some brands I would also recommend for Chelsea boots are American Eagle Outfitters, Urban Outfitters, and H&M. They have a wide variety of boots, but nothing that really struck my interest. Has anyone else been on the hunt for anything lately, especially for the holiday season? 

Over the years, my writing and blogging process has definitely evolved. Probably for the better, but I definitely don't have it down to a T yet. My creative process is a bit all over the place sometimes, to be honest. Not only does drafting posts take a while, but setting aside time to take all of my photos is something I've come to hassle with on occasion. The beginning of my blog journey consisted of crappy iPhone pictures and one sentence descriptions that lacked any substance or personality whatsoever. So, I think I've come along way and I've definitely never shared what this process is even like and how I balance everything else I do. 

It amazes me that I've stuck to a Tuesday/Thursday posting schedule for the past four years, giving myself breaks, taking my own photos, and coming up with personal and enticing content (or at least I think it's enticing). Being a blogger among millions of other bloggers has shed light on what kind of creative industry this is and what I want to make of it. Comparing myself to all of the "pretty perfect" and aesthetically-strict blogs have taught me that I just want to maintain authenticity and realness with my writing and content, as I have been for a while now. 

I really haven't had a second thought about followers or numbers because the success and gratification have come through my own improvement and the small joys I get from people who reach out to me about my work. That's what keeps me going and I think that's truly what differentiates me from all of those other content plug and chuggers who crave superficial popularity and money because I don't get paid at all. I know it may seem a little harsh, but I think now more than ever that criticism deems true. I've met bloggers who don't do it for the right reasons: fame, fortune, popularity, all that crap. However, I've also met hardworking and dedicated creators like me who do it because they love it and get more out of it than just the numbers. 

As for my writing process, it usually starts with something as mundane and old school as scratching out rough drafts of posts I want to write in advance. Sometimes I get inspiration out of the blue for a post to write and I will create it right away, but a lot of what I plan on writing is prepared in advance. This just helps me so that I am not overwhelmed with a lot of writing and brainstorming during school. I've found this process more efficient and not as stressful as many other bloggers might, it just works. A lot of what influences my posts are just things relevant to me at the time and surrounding circumstances like seasons and big events that are going on. I've definitely hit rock bottom with figuring out exactly what I want to say or do with posts, but other times I'm on a writing spree and will just hash out material back and forth. 

I am my own writer, editor, publisher, photographer, fact checker, and blog designer. I don't hire anyone and don't really have the means to do so. Since my blog is out of a hobby, I don't feel the need to put so much money or extra help into the process. I think the fact that I actually do everything gives me a lot more freedom and personality that some blogs who are run by more than one person lack identity. I have considered blogging as being a part of my job someday, but I'm honestly more okay with it just being a passionate hobby and having my job compliment it in some way. 

I have goals I would like to reach professionally in public relations and blogging has definitely contributed in that aspect. A lot of my writing is done in my "soft office," also known as, my bed. As I'm writing this now in my bed with my pup at my feet, I've also done a lot of writing in my dorm room on my desk, in my local libraries, coffee shops, and even in the car on my iPhone. Thankfully, my creative juices have been flowing a lot lately and I think that's mainly because I'm on break and make myself really productive. 

I'll be honest, I wish I could develop better photography skills and improve on more ways to take advantage of all the tools I have on my DSLR, but I just can't seem to figure it out. I really would like to get a new lens for my Canon T5i that I've had since I've started blogging and somehow change the look of my posts or create a new theme somehow. My skill in photoshop is really limited and my access to it is only when I'm at school. I've always liked my raw photos, but think my blog could use a little more color and uniformity. Maybe I should take more photo classes, who knows! I just need to take my camera out more. 

I guess a lot of blogs benefit from the perfected photos, but it just never appealed to me. Even if there are like little marks on the table I take flat lays on, I just don't feel the need to fix it. Who cares? A lot of bloggers would. For my flat lays in particular, I literally just use my side table and push it over to my window. I did used to use a piece of wood with marble contact paper, but overtime didn't like the look of the gloss. I considered getting professional box lighting, but natural light just always attracts me more and my pictures turn out a lot better. I usually have to wake up earlier around like 9 or 10am to just make sure that the sun is alligned right, it all matters! If I try taking pictures around 3 or 4, I'd be lucky if there was any sunlight because it gets dark so early. I'm also usually standing on a chair when I take photos and there are products and decor sitting all over my room. 

Blogging has definitely filled the creative void in my life. I miss all of my art classes, but I learn so much from my blog itself. The writing, photography, and blog designing all contribute to my need of creativity. I've also noticed more and more that I'm writing for myself—I mean that I'm not just creating posts that I think readers would like, buying products to just simply review and hype up, but I'm writing about things that I feel are important and relevant to address or question. Yes, I have been doing some beauty and fashion related posts, but a lot of my friends have noticed my personal and more upfront writing to be more favorable. 

As I've always mentioned, I'm constantly changing and evolving as I grow and learn with this blog and in this community of writers and readers. The most important thing I remind myself with is that I do this because I love it and continue to thrive from it. It isn't forced at all and I haven't put pressure on myself to look or seem a certain way. I go my own pace and in that, I think my blog and writing benefits so much. It's everyone that constantly supports me that tells me I'm doing something right. 

I was fortunate to be sent Esqido Lashes's new gel eyeliner to get to try out for you guys. I've raved about their Mink Lashes, so I was intrigued when they came out with liner and was excited to give them a go. I really haven't been on the "makeup game" lately because it's been a few months since I've bought new makeup to try out and use. However, I'm really into eye products more than anything and can report great things about this liner. So much so, that it will be the liner of the season! It's perfect for gift giving for all makeup lovers out there. 

The formula of both black and brown liners goes on very smoothly and effortlessly. I've had trouble in the past with some pencil liners being too waxy to apply, but you only need small strokes and the color payoff is phenomenal. I definitely geared more towards the brown liner just because I love the natural look more than dramatically black and smokey. 

I was also really surprised at the staying power of the liner and its lack of moving around my waterline during the day. Usually, I find that my pencil liner will build up in the corners of my eyes and I have to keep fixing it and wiping the excess liner that falls off. The Esqido Liner stays on for a really good amount of time and I was pleased to not have to fix it all the time. 

If you're a daily eyeliner wearer and are looking for a silky and smooth liner, I would highly recommend these! They don't gather in the corners of your eyes or run down your face—they stay put as all liners should. Right now, Esqido eyeliners are on sale for $12! They are perfect as stocking stuffers and paired with their classic and famous Mink Lashes that I love. You can also read my review of them, here. You guys know I am always open to trying new products, and I am grateful when companies send me products to try out, so I definitely think you will enjoy these as much as I did! 

One of the biggest challenges I face in my life is letting the world around me take its lead. There's nothing more constraining than simply allowing the fate of the world ride its course in front of you—it seems so "simple". Yet the greatest things in life come when we least expect it, or at least that's what we're told. The inspiration for this thought comes from a self-help book I read a week ago called You Are A Badass, by Jen Sincero, and she is a badass indeed. The author, speaker, and success coach writes all the ways one can use everything they've got to live one extreme, helluva life; it's advice we all could hear. So, I would highly recommend checking it out. I won't go into full detail about the book itself, but one chapter titled "Remember to Surrender" includes this Eckhart Tolle quote I found striking: 

"Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life and see how life suddenly starts working for you, rather than against you". -Eckhart Tolle

I had to take a step back and think, "do I really say 'no' to a lot of things?". I mean I think a lot of us can agree that there are many times saying "no" is the only practical answer to things, but when opportunities present themselves, do I find myself dismissing them for dumb and profound excuses? Am I not reaching far enough? What are the things I say, do, react that make things harder to achieve? How am I presenting myself and comparing myself to others, why does it affect me so much? Why do I let it? 

I am a Control Freak.

Those of you who know me, love me, care about me, talk to me, laugh at me, laugh with me, or anyone who's just seen my room knows I like things a certain way. I'm not a hypertensive drama queen who whines about small, irrelevant details, or I like to tell myself I'm not anyway. My personality wants to make sure that every little thing in my life, emotional and physical, is spick and span so that I can manage to tackle every big thing in my life. If you met me, you would think I'm to myself, but really I'm planning and processing every minute of my life in my head as new information comes in. Oh, the anxiety!

Without a doubt, anxiety fuels this need of perfection and preparation. If I'm not thinking about my future or the effects of the present, I don't know how I can make sure I'm on the "right track" of life. The direction I at least tell myself I'm going in—hell if I knew I would tell you. Little moments in my life have shown this, my parents have seen me go through it when I was trying to apply for college.  It was not easy for any of us. I spent hours and hours perfecting my application, days spent emailing scholarship and financial aid offices, dragging my parents into more stress about which college I was going to, pulling my hair out after being waitlisted for a deciding scholarship, and finally finding out that I had gotten it for my number one school, DePaul, a week after I graduated high school. While yes, everything worked out, I persisted an immense amount because I knew I wanted it. However, I knew, in the end, I would be going to any great college. I definitely wasted a lot of my senior year in dread about it. 

There are so many things in my life that I don't let go of: where I'm studying, how much money I have, how much money I don't have, who my friends are, what friends I've lost, family I haven't seen in forever, jobs, my purpose, and every existential crisis you could think of, I've probably thought about. I realize that my worries are not similar to many, because there's a lot of bad happening in the world, and also that I can't control everything in my life or the world itself.

Hands-Off Mode.

Obviously, there are things that you can control, like your motivation and persistence to find a job, the effort you put into that job, etc. However, when it seems like all of my force and energy is pushed onto millions of things or one big thing in my life, I live less. I find those moments unenjoyable and just exhausting. Why do I do it then? Well, for one thing, I really like to fulfill passions and expectations. I know people expect great things of me, so why settle? I make myself bite off more than I can chew because I thrive on it. I also suck at it because I dig myself into a big self-deprecating hole of doubt and comparison. 

So, with reading this self-help book, How to Be A Badass, it has become clear to me that taking my hands off the steering wheel sometimes is in my best interest. As I sit on my bed now, petting my oh-so-space-generous golden retriever that is literally taking up my half of the bed, I am deciding now that maybe living a "go with the flow" kinda life might seem like the perfect ideal. Not worrying about what comes next, but enjoying the small moments you have now. Yeah, I've already awed and ooed about presence in other posts and all that, everything my yoga instructors instruct me, whatever my parents confide in me, and every Tumblr post in between—I know don't listen to myself when I need to the most. 

Taking my Own Advice.

It's really not easy listening to my own advice. "Read your blog posts, Nat. You already know what you need to do," my mom urges. Sometimes its nice hearing other people's thoughts about what direction they think you should go in—getting outside perspectives is always a great tool for you to go from, but you should never let it consume you. I know I'm smart. Millions of people could tell me how to apply for internships, successful job interview tips, what should be on my resume, how to dress, how to be productive, how to not worry about everything, but at the end of the day, I know what's good for me. Sometimes it takes letting go of all outside factors (opinions, ideas, dad's advice) or just letting go of one. 

Just saying "I need to let go," seems so easy, but it is so multi-faceted and complex in my mind. In moments when I need to be the most present, my mind is usually back in the fifth-grade regretting friendship decisions I made. There just seems like no getting past it. When I'm not past it, I'm behind it. I'm never here. I keep saying how time is flying by in front of my very eyes and this is because we are all so time oriented. 

Everything revolves around time, it's all we got to keep us going (well I guess maybe not all we got): when we gotta be there, when we have to leave, when the thing starts, when the thing ends, when we have to live, and when we have to die. Time is so precious to us and it taunts us. If we don't get something done in time, we fail. If we don't make it there on time, we fail. If we forget the time, we fail. 

I can't worry about time or as much as I have. I can't worry about a trip I'm planning with my college's study abroad because it's six months from now, I can't worry about what internship I might have in a year from now, I can't worry about my relationship status because I have time to meet people, I can't worry about who I will be around when I'm older because all that matters is what I've got at this moment and how I'm spending it now. Surrender to the flow of life, be present, listen to yourself and others, and the rest will follow. 

I hope everyone has had a really nice and relaxing Thanksgiving holiday—I spent it stuffing my face, sleeping, and stuffing my face some more. For lack of a post on Thursday, since it was Thanksgiving, I thought it would be nice to kind of reiterate some goals I want to set for this winter as my fall quarter has officially come to a close and I am on break until January. It's a little weird with my college because we have ten week quarters with no breaks in between and our winter break is like six weeks long. 

It can be so initimidating when you have so much free time. As some of you know, I need to keep doing things, creating, and producing otherwise I get into a low place of doubt, worry, and just a feeling of unproductivity when I have so much time on my hands to do nothing. So, I thought it was only right to make a few ideas of things I want to get done while I have all this time over break, as well as, enjoy it because I know I won't get off time like this in the future. 

For some college students, especially those who live in the city, don't really go home for break due to a desire of freedom, a job, an internship, more classes, or what have you. However, since I live so close to home, it makes sense for me to just go home and see people I want to see and not have to worry about groceries or getting around the city during our heinous blizzards. So, here are my goals:

I think last time I was home, I never really reached out to many people from my highschool or even college for that matter. I have some friends who are staying in the city over break, so it would be nice for me to go visit them and do some touristy things over Christmas time in the city with them. Also, I think a lot of people feel like they need to see absolutely everyone they know over winter break, but I'm just talking about some of my good friends that I haven't seen in awhile. Catching up is my favorite thing. 

I would say for the most part I am a healthy eater, but lately I haven't been paying much attention to it. More recently I've noticed that I kind of treat myself more than I should. I think everyone should eat a pizza, buffalo wings, or whatever they want to every now and then, but my eating habits have not been as controlled as they usually are. Maybe it's a good thing though that I haven't been worrying constantly about food, but I know overbreak and being home with endless food availability it can be so tempting. 

This is a big goal for me because I truly have not read a full book since high school. Yes, I've read articles and magazines, skimmed some books for class, but I haven't sat down and actually enjoyed reading something I like. It's so hard for me to find books I like, however, recently I became serious about this and went to my library (yeah they still exist), looked at the Barnes and Noble best sellers on my phone, chose You are a Badass by Jen Sincero, and I'm already 168 pages in. That is an accomplishment for me. I really enjoy self-help books and guides because they emulate the type of writing and reading that I can benefit from and what better motivater to get inspired to live my life the way I intend on it. 

So, I have plans. Big future plans; ambitions and goals and things I want to do, see, and accomplish. There are so many things I want to do with the time being in college, so over break I will be applying for a study abroad program in Europe, an oncampus job for next year, and many scholarships that are gonna help me realize these goals because I got nothing in my pockets except a craving for travel and curisosities of the unknown. It's my time to take the risk and leap, no matter how broke I'll be, and just go for it. 

I mainly dwell on the future and what my decisions will entail before me—I hate this part about myself, honestly. I'm so sick of my thoughts wandering into holes of despair and just internal suckiness. I wish I never thought like this, and especially when I have a lot of time off and I'm not doing anything, I get to this state. I'm aware of when I'm extremely worrisome and I know it doesn't serve me at all. There are things I can't control and there's no point in trying to prevent them, fix them, or obsess. 

I could go on and make a bigger list of things I want to do, but hey, it's a break for a reason, so I'm not gonna put so much on my plate and actually relax for most of it and be present with my friends and family that I get to see. Vacations and holidays are great, but overworking yourself and not rewarding or granting yourself time off can suck the life out of you really. I don't plan on posting as much within the next month and leading up to Christmas and New Years, but do expect content! I'll be writing for sure, just leisurely and at my own pace. I hope everyone has an enjoyable holiday season! 

Lidstar Eyeshadow in Cub- I was in the mood of finding a new copper-toned eyeshadow and Glossier had the perfect treat for me! I absolutely despise creasing shadow. Even when I apply primer, sometimes I find my eyeshadows getting oily throughout the day. I was pleased to find out that the Lidstars are basically like primers and act as an eyeshadow base if you want it to. I love the shimmery sparkle it gives and the doe foot applicator makes it easier for me to apply on my fingertips and build the color if I want. 

Boy Brow in Brown- I'm always a sucker when it comes to eyebrow products. I have heard the hype on the boy brow and see why it is so popular and loved. It basically does everything you could want in a brow product. It thickens, fills, and grooms your brows all in one. I have crazy eyebrows and when I wake up sometimes they need as much grooming as my hair does, so this is my go-to product and I can't leave the house without it. 

Have you tried out Glossier? I think I'll have to put some products on my Christmas list for this year. 

I haven't purchased a lot from her collection, though. My two items that I bought was this sage colored Storage Box and this Padfolio folder and notepad. Both of which I enjoy a lot. Coincidentally, both of them were on sale because they were rotating to the fall collection items and I happened to stroll upon them at perfect timing. This sage color is probably my favorite shade of green and the box was only like six bucks. It's perfect for storing anything and everything, while making your desk or shelf space look neat and put together. 

My favorite item of all the things she has in her office collection is this little padfolio guy. I was looking for a more professional looking folder anyway to keep all of my important school documents, business cards, and notes in. It also comes in a bigger size! It was on clearance for only seven dollars and I had to have my hands on it—get it Hearth and Hand. Sorry, I just got excited over a folder. It's been great though. I take it to important meetings and it makes you feel professional when you pull this bad boy out. 

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However, many of her items are fully functional: the plates, dishes, towels, baking tools, paint, books, folders, lamps, and everything else is pretty much designed with intended usage. I mean, that's one of Joanna's motto when creating spaces anyway—keeping spaces tasteful and functional. So, I'm sure her intention behind the products were geared towards families like her own that just want a place that emulates the personality and coziness of home. I get the goats, alright. 

She also competes with other Target interior decor brands that I've also purchased items from like Threshold and Project 62. Threhold has more of a traditional style and Project 62 is modern. So, Joanna's line definitely stands out with the farmhouse chic, industrial vibe. She's not afraid to mix patterns, texture, metals, foliage, but keeps her brand cohesive and individual from the rest I've seen at Target. 

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My support and devoted admiration for her comes from her value of family, as well as, establishing her own personality through a brand. She is fearless when it comes to design making decisions and that's what inspires me the most about her. I also adore her work ethic, creative intentions, authenticity, and realness when it comes to her idea of simply living and thriving at a place you can call home. Also, I'm in love with her cute family. I'm definitely a "Homebody" and I know you are, too. 

I would say that I have definitely added some new members to my skincare routine and I am really loving them all more than I ever have with skincare products I've tried in the past. The air is starting to get crisp and I've noticed that my face is drier than ever. Yes, I am using many products towards my acne prone skin, so that is important to consider with the amount of dryness I have. 

I'm not so adventurous when it comes to types of skincare products: cleanser, moisturizer, makeup remover, eye cream, lip balm, and lotion about sums it up. However, I've come to realize that my skin benefits from quality ingredients in products and lack of harsh chemicals and all that bad juju. 

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cleanser- This is just a classic unscented cleanser and I have been using it for about six months now. It honestly has proven to be the most gentle on my sensitive and acne prone skin. I also have the acne and oily skin cleanser that they have. A little goes a long way and my face feels so fresh and never dried out. 

Kiehl's Lip Balm #1- I love this lip balm out of all the others I use, haha. I'll admit imma chapstick hoarder, but what can I say, I love smooth lips. Especially during the colder months, I feel like this is just a classic comforting lip balm to have with you. 

Glossier Coconut Balm Dotcom- To mix it up and add some flavor, I've already raved about Glossier and their Balm Dotcom range. The coconut one brings me back to summer, but it's a great scent nonetheless. 

Honey House Naturals Mango Lip Butter- Another lip balm I reach for is this mango lip butter which is much thicker than the two lip balms I mentioned before. It's almost like beeswax to the extreme. If you've tried Burt's Bees, it's a bit similar, but it is richer and is super moisturizing. 

Keihl's Ultra Facial Overnight Hydrating Mask- The winner of all my current skincare products is this little guy I received in a sample box. I've tried numerous moisturizers and this one, which is a mask, revitalizes dry skin as you sleep! How cool is that? I was hesitant about having a product being left on my face without it really being rubbed in, but it's proved to work wonders on my dry patches below my nose and on my chin. 

Clinique All About Eyes- I definitely can't go to bed with dry eyes. That's a big no-no. Dryness everywhere just hurts and burns. So, using this has really helped with not only red eyes and bags but softening up my under eyes a ton. 

It can be difficult adjusting to the drastic change in seasons, especially when your skin doesn't know how to react. I've been loving these products lately and was wondering what you guys were too and if you feel the same way when it comes to winter skincare. All I know is that I need warm and soft skin! Also, I will be taking a week off in the spirit of finals week as I push through and get a lot of work done. I'll see you all in the next two weeks! 

I know the holiday season is nearing us—or is basically already here according to Target and many other chain businesses that just can't calm the f*ck down for a bit until they put out Christmas lights and decorations. Just this past weekend I put up lights on my neighbor's tree! What a quick goodbye to Halloween. I'm not even sure people are even concerned about Thanksgiving this year. Anyway, time is going by and everything seems to be closer than we thought. 

You know, something as simple as an "okay," can be taken in so many different ways in so many different contexts. I won't go into examples, but it's definitely true. Our definitions of it vary so much. However, I want to make sure that everybody understands that whatever they're currently going through, good or bad, is going to be okay. 

I've talked so much about my mental health and it in general because self-care is pivotal in all of our wellbeings; we have to make sure that we can allow ourselves to feel good, sad, mad, stressed, overwhelmed, confused, and everything else your brain may throw at you. We need to also understand that we are all human and sometimes life can seem like a living hell, but that's okay. 

I want this post to feel light-hearted because I could go into a lot of deep topics about not being okay, and the message is short and simple—you are going to get through it. I may not know how, the circumstances, the reasons, or the context, but I feel like a lot of people never take a step back to breathe. Talk it out, think it out, and know that you can do anything you put your mind to.

You will fail and struggle, but a positive and a persistent mindset conquers all. You get to decide what holds you back and you get to decide what drives you forward. People are there to support you and praise you. Wake up every day knowing that you get a chance to start over. 

One of my good friends, Isaac, and I sat for about three hours in a Starbucks chatting all things life: our current happenings, future goals, our social lives, and everything else to catch up with because we haven't seen each other in about a year. However, he's one of those friends you could not see in a year and then meet up and feel like you saw them yesterday. Both of us got to talking about where we were and wanted to be, it was crazy just how ambitious both of us have become since high school and all we've achieved. 

We still couldn't believe we have been friends for about four years, and I learned that one of the strongest assets to a long-living relationship with someone is not worried about where you're gonna be in two, three, or four years from when you meet. I think this just applies to everything, but I remember being so stressed in high school about college and now I'm at my number one dream school and I have no clue how I'm already a sophomore—it still awes me. It just kind of worked out. 

I think the desire to be "okay" directly comes from your outlook on the situation you're in because honestly, a lot of times I feel like I could be somewhere entirely different. Cut all the comparisons, doubts, or regrets, because where you are in your life should only matter to you and it is your job to find purpose in the present moment. Stop dwelling on what happened or what could happen—when all you are doing is the best you can today in time, you are going to be just fine.

I would definitely say that writing has come easily to me over the years, but when I was younger it was hard. I write so much nowadays anyway that I feel much more comfortable than I did in middle school or high school. I was not a good reader, but I was a proficient writer. 

You see, the thing is was that in my school, at least, we were taught specific ways to read, analyze, infer, and explain sorts of things that we were learning about—seems like any other school curriculum. My school was driven on the basis of standardized tests, like many schools, so what they wanted from students (in terms of writing) was the average five paragraph sandwich essay with little room to elaborate on our own thoughts because using "I" was forbidden. 

I don't resent my English schooling, but I wish it had been different because what I have learned from my own writing and college is that none of it is important (for the most part). What we should be learning is correct grammar and that is still something I struggle with constantly. Kids do not know how to properly comma splice or even the difference between "its" and "it's."

I'm no "grammar nazi" and I definitely don't discriminate based on how well or poor you write because I know that everyone is at a different level and pace when it comes to writing—a lot of people hate it. I guess my background with writing and being surrounded by English majors kind of swayed me a bit into the passion. The freedom of using my own words and thoughts to talk about whatever I want, especially on my own platform, has been one of the most gratifying experiences in my life. Writing is a part of me and always will. 

Many people ask me how I can handle writing freely, with writing for my college blog and editing, as well as, managing five to six-page papers on a weekly basis. All I can say is that when I'm in the mood, I'm a writing machine. Words can just easily flow off my fingers. I think it's not only therapeutic but introspectively reflective and releasing. 

My college writing, for one thing, has been more about my own interpretations, so instead of research and context-based writing I did in high school, I actually get to think about things on my terms not relating to a certain article or opinion of somebody else. There's no "second meaning" and my professors aren't forcing us to make wild inferences about certain metaphors or what deeper meaning something has. High school focused too much on the content and I think it strayed our abilities to create our own understanding of the texts. 

I guess the trick or key to prideful writing is that you can't really compare yours to everybody else's. I know there are far better writers than me out there, but I think recently I've gotten really comfortable with my voice and that's proven some really great work that I've made. Maybe it's also a mentality, too. My mood, for one thing, has been pretty positive lately and that's really affected the way I write and go about writing. Some weeks I feel like shit and lack the inspiration I can normally find. 

Since I have basically been writing nonstop this past couple of months, there's without a doubt that I've improved on some aspect of my writing. I still have trouble using "big" words, sentence variance, and everything else. However, little by little I've noticed that it's easier to form my complex ideas and connect them all so I don't fall astray from the main concept of my writing—or at least I think so. 

I'm the biggest critic of my own writing and no A or B on a paper can tell me whether or not I really did a good job. Of course, I make mistakes in my writing, could elaborate more on certain subjects, fix the structure of my thoughts, and so forth, but I know whether or not the writing I did was created with full effort and purpose. 

One of the biggest things I've learned with writing is that simplicity is a strong suit. Learning how to write less with concision is probably the hardest things for college students and writers in general. A lot of people feel like they have to say so much about everything, but you really need to get to the point and move on. It takes time to develop your style, voice, and comfortability with writing. It takes time, patience, and effort. I'm constantly learning and I hope everybody takes the opportunity to do the same!

I am in shock by how fast this month has gone by because Halloween is in literally a day. I swear it was September like yesterday. I keep talking about time on here and it is still so surprising to me just how quickly it all changes and how unbelievably fast experiences go by. That said, I thought this post could be a little reflective on all the fall-related things I've done already because it's been a very eventful season. 

Near the end of September, my family and I went pumpkin picking at a rural pumpkin farm in Illinois. It was a little disappointing for my mom especially because we always try to look for those family owned and uncommercialized "pick-your-own" pumpkin patches. However, a lot of the ones close to using either has too many people now or already has pumpkins picked for you—or both. 

Our tradition of going out into the field and looking for the perfect pumpkin is something my family and I love doing. We even brought my dog Cooper along because we also love taking fall pictures while we do it. We did end up bringing home about five big ones, but it still wasn't entirely the same this year and I guess it was okay. 

So, after that, I actually got a chance to go visit my Grandpa in Michigan over a weekend. I love making special short trips to see family and it was really nice because I also saw my uncle and my dad's best friend who I've known since I was really little. Small reunions like that are always so sweet and I'm glad I got to go with my dad and my older sister, Melissa. 

Over this past month, I've really become family oriented and have realized how much I value family and make those efforts to connect with people I care about. I've always had that personality trait, but just recently it's been very evident and that's always a great thing to have. 

 "The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let the dead things go." -Anonymous

One of the most redeeming qualities of fall is the ability to start over. So much has happened this year, good and bad, but knowing that you get a reset button is the most humbling and refreshing feeling. It's a warm hug from the universe. Anything you think is going wrong in your life at the moment will work itself out in the future and everything will be at peace. 

We hold onto relationships, grudges, memories, stress, and everything else. Nobody is telling us what is and what isn't important to hold onto. Having a chance to reflect and remember is great, but dwelling on the past and what is out of our control will only serve pain and regret. 

It's not an easy thing to do. When so much is happening to you all at once, I know that trying to find a sense of release and content is not always ideal. For me, this feeling comes in phases and different times of the year depending on what's happening in my life. I've noticed that the best things that have happened to me came out of nowhere when I wasn't looking or expecting them too. It's like when all is good and I'm more to myself doing things I love, others around me reflect that and things tend to work themselves out. 

I find that when I release those dwelling thoughts and obligations, I can take my best foot forward and move onto the next best thing. That's all we can hope and there's no better way of looking at it like that. Finding ways to improve from your past, acknowledging it, and never looking back or second-guessing yourself. Life can be so much simpler. I promise. 

"Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be."- Sonia Ricotti

It's amazing that I've actually purchased a new blush to add to the collection. About a month ago I was really in search of a new peachy-bronzy shade for the fall season. I knew I wanted to head over to Sephora anyway and was nicely helped by one of the beauticians there. After not finding the Nars blush I was originally after, she suggested the Too Faced Papa Don't Peach blush. 

I was a bit hesitant about it because I haven't used much of Too Faced face products and knowing that it was a scented product made me iffier on it. I know I have sensitive skin, so I thought whatever makes it fragrant might affect my skin and cause a reaction of some kind. 

I actually fell in love with the shade. It's more of a bronzy-gold with a hint of peach and has a slight shimmer to it. It's a really great shade for the warmer months, too. I wore the color around the store a bit and really couldn't find anything else I liked more, so I decided to give it a chance. 

My absolute favorite look is the frosty, but glowy look. This blush really adds a bit of warmth to the cheeks and I love it. I have no problem with it smelling so sweet and yummy.